Finish line.

I Believe that maybe i can accomplish great things and on the way to those things i'll pick up some people who share my dream and walk into the horizon together with music playing in the background.

OK, I realize i was being kind of poetic, but i really do have a dream and i am working on it.
So turn the music up cause now i take the first step and tomorrow i take another but someday i'll cross the finish line. :)

The Question is, Do You Mean it!

This may sound silly, but i am kind of pfff .. let's say wary of the dark.
OK, I am afraid of the dark.
But it's not because of the monsters lurking around the corners waiting to ambush me, or the invisible freaky creatures that hide under my bed; it's not that at all.
Its because i can't see my self in the dark and i don't know who i am in the shadows. And when i can't see, i tend to get worried and afraid. -And maybe also because of the monsters-.
But aside from my fear of the dark there is one other thing that i fear most.
In fact every thing else seems silly compared.
I fear to live in a world where people say what they don't mean .. a world where people inhale lies in the air they breath .. where ideals are framed and hung on walls to be viewed as memories and things of the past .. a world where people say one thing when they actually mean another.
They say they're free to think or believe what they please, But doesn't that entitle me to the same right?
People stare when i sometimes casually state an opinion that is somewhat uncommon. if you could see the expressions on their faces, they're bewildered.
Recently i find people's So Called "Personal Opinions" repetitive in a very annoying way. It's like they're all reciting some kind of widely spread script of a very dull play that every one seems to know by heart.
You say you value difference and accept it .. Well, then accept this: i am DIFFERENT.
My Wish right now is that i can someday hear someone say "I beg to differ but i respect your opinion" -Hold On- I want that him to Mean these words.
Cause if words hold no real meaning then all they are is random frequencies and waves that propagate through space.

Just Follow The Plan

I had a plan.
I wrote it down.
I can assure you though ...
this was not it.
I am only human, and humans, they forget, they misread a road map, act like know it all's and end up lost for days. Humans go to the kitchen, open the fridge, stare and leave.
I guess what i'm trying to say here is that humans do stupid things all the time; like for instance make a plan and then they.don't.stick.to.it.
However there is a tiny fact that i need to remember,"Sometimes it's not up to me".
Sure, Plans are necessary. And Sure, you have to make choices and try your best.
But the results and consequences leading back to those decisions are not up to us.
It was never our plans that were meant to go through, But, rather God's plans for us that do go through to the execution phase.

So just relax and breath young Worrior With an O -and No, it's not a spelling mistake, and NO,i did not just make that up...OK, maybe i did but that was a long time ago- stop worrying and just follow the plan.

Oh, and Sarah .. You're OK.

Bring YOU Down Syndrome.

I'm perfectly fine all the time .. that is until i'm not. And usually i don't know what it is that sets me off like that, but this time i do.
It's you.
I'm not even sure if you notice what you do. But i think you suffer from a syndrome that goes by the name "Bring You Down" which basically means you subconsciously make everyone around you feel insignificant. and.inferior.and.eventually.bring.them.down.
At least that's how i feel.
So yeah, i'll just keep my distance if you don't mind; cause -for some reason-  I don't want to feel that way anymore.
In the mean while, all i can do is what my best friend once told me. "Tell yourself that you are OK".
And that's exactly what i'll do.
"Sarah Desouky, You're Ok"
I AM OK.

The Story

I am there, or should i say i am here. This had been so much a part of my lifelong dream, that the moment i set foot on these lands my mind has completely stopped taking everything in.
Pause .. It is cold and i am still back home.
My footsteps echo on the rock floors of this vast and magical square. "I am here" I tell my self one more time -hoping that maybe my mind will start processing again. And i see it .. Standing tall as it had been for the past century or so. As the smoke clears, i hear distant cries grow stronger.
Pause .. "Thank you for the tea".
Ah, where was I .. Yes, the cries are definitely growing stronger. And If you listen hard enough, you can taste the anticipation and excitement in every roar.
Every speck of dust tells the story of nation divided for so long, that its people forgot they were once united.
They tell the story of that very nation come together and fight the battle as one. They tell the story of a battle so fierce fought by one man against a million army men. They tell the story of that man's victory. Every ray of sun displays the secret behind that victory and they chant "A man united against a million divided ".
Pause .. *A sip of tea
The flags are raised. They soar high above the very foundations of this universe.
A nation rejoices while cowards and tyrants,who have tortured humanity lay flat on their backs.
The stairs rise high above us; I can not see where they end. The nation climbs one step after another. Signs are pretty good. 100 meters to glory .. 50 to your rightful place a top of the world .. 20 to justice and 10 to peace .. 0 You're there.
Pause.. we are still a  hundred million meters away from glory .. fifty away from our rightful place a top of the world .. twenty away from justice and ten away from peace. We are still here at the beginning. 
But we dream.
And as i sit here at my computer, I picture a time when this image -in my head- meets reality, in a life altering moment, that rocks the very foundations of the world as we know it.
But until then .. We dream .. we work and we never stop remembering what once was and now isn't anymore. 
Until then .. Lets all be safe and never stop believing.

I am question mark ...

"I am ready" I say with a shaking voice.
Try that again.
"I am ready" i say but my voice still breaks at the ends.
...
"I am ready?" The phrase turns into a question mark.
.....
"How can i be ready?"
What do you think?
"I asked the question"
At least now you're asking the right ones.
.......
.......

Viva La Road

Alone is how you find yourself at the beginning and at then again at the end.But all that is in between is a choice. Your Choice, So choose your companions wisely; they shape you. They either lift you up when hurdles come or sink you down when all you need is to be an inch taller than your troubles.
They say "Blessed is the person who has good company". And that is why i thank Allah for sending them to me in a time of great need; for they have made me a better person than i was yesterday and a better person tomorrow than i am today.
Viva RTL

I saw you once more

All i know is that i was lost and could not get out ..
You were there standing .. Just standing there like you were waiting for something or someone. But HOW? you are dead .. or so i thought. Cause to me, you looked so real standing there. People were passing you by, like it was the most normal thing in the world that you would come back from the dead but then i noticed, i was the only one who could see you.As i approached you And you smiled, i was sure i was crazy.
 I extended my arm to greet you and expected my hand to pass right through you, but you said my name .. I heard you..And then i hugged you .. I felt that and it felt warm and safe and calming. You were not a ghost. You were as real as me or as any of these people who were walking around us then. "How are you here?" .. No reply. I had a million and two questions to ask you but we walked in silence as i searched for a way out of there. You shadowed me as i began to lose hope when no one agreed to help. You sensed my desperation and smiling you said "Come with me, i'll show you something".. I followed you and you pointed to a gate and said "This is your way out, I'll walk you there but then you'll have to continue on foot alone the rest of the way" i nodded and i thanked you as i sobbed on your shoulders. "Is there anything else you need ? Any other way i can help?" i looked for my voice to answer you but nothing came out and we walked towards the gate. I passed the gate and it was over and you were dead once again.

The Window

As I look across the window of my past at all the memories I've built over the years; I see the simplicity screaming out of every picture on those yellow walls of time. I see how easy everything seemed back then. I see people i thought would be there with me till the end. I see happiness in all the simple things and grief for things that now seem insignificant. I see the flaws and i see the merits. I see myself grow an inch taller through the years. I see shadows in every alley way left undiscovered. I see the page turn on every book left unread. I see decisions made too soon and others, well, too late. I see myself shedding away parts of me as i made my way here. I see my reflection in that window, only to see a younger version.
In ways, i can no longer recognize my self anymore .. I've changed.
Change is not necessarily a bad thing, some of these changes were actually for the better. It's more of a shade of grey that i'm working hard to perfect.

As I turn my back on that window and head out through the door, i see a million pathways lined with adventure and paved with an equal share of fear and excitement. I see billboards and signs telling me where they think I should go. I see distractions everywhere .. LIGHTS .. NOISES .. and PEOPLE; lots of them. 

My vision is blurred and i feel the urge to dive back through that window into the comforts of the known past; but i need to go on. I was destined to go on. 

A decision has to be made. Life is just one decision after another; but in the end it all comes down to one. Are you willing to abide by the laws of  your Creator? Yes, yes that much i know. 

I see it know. If you look really hard .. past all the billboards and the signs .. past all the lights and all the temptations lining these bricked paths .. Past all those people telling you what to do or what to wear or how to act or how to live your life ..if you look hard you can see them. 

Two roads. And I have reached my decision.

I just have to get past all of this to get to YOU. On the way i'll sometimes forget where i'm going. But believe me, with all these distractions who wouldn't? But when i forget i'll make sure it doesn't last for long. I'll remind myself of the conscience decision i made back by the window. The decision to go on .. to venture into the unknown with faith that YOU will guide me on my way.

So here i am reminding myself yet again. Reminding my self that i'm a person on a mission to find the road that ultimately leads to Allah.