Below Rock Bottom.

So I was having breakfast this morning and sat down to watch Euro News to see whats happening around in the world.

Here's a quick scoop: 

So Tokyo is apparently hosting the 2020 Olympic games and Turkey is apparently bummed that it won't get to do it.
Some riots in Brazil on Independence day.
Elections is Germany.
Political debates everywhere.
New Technologies.
Safety and quality control standards.

All these people are all focused on bettering their lives, making use of new technologies, hosting Olympic games and making necessary arrangements and don't get me started on the quality control; while we're here struggling to hold on to the last of our humanity trying to keep ourselves afloat while they drag us again below rock bottom.

But I'm fairly sure that this time we won't go down without a fight. That we either succeed or die trying Insha'Allah.

So He Left.

He was happy up until he wasn't.
His grandfather died and so did the magic. The place lost its spirit, its sense of humor. It no longer took him to wherever he wished to go. The doors were no longer portals to different lands, but mere wood. He tried to bring the magic back and if people could live on the moon they would here him banging on doors, shouting at the house, and trying so hard to go somewhere .. anywhere, but the house refused.
And every time he opened a door, he found furniture, he found the attic, he found the kitchen but he never found the magic.
The disappointment was just so heart wrenching, It was getting too much for him to handle.
He hadn't just lost his grandfather, He also lost himself.
He lost his escape whenever the world got too loud for him to handle.
So he left.
He left the house he's always loved and ventured into the unknown.
Little did he know, that with every step he took away from it, the magic slowly returned.
But once again, the memories started to fade.

This Whole Thing With Syria

I do not need to lay down reasons as to why this regime -The Assad Regime- needs to go down and go down now; with all the massacres and war crimes being committed daily against innocent children, women and men.
So really, what I am about to say has nothing to do with how mad the Assad Regime is, I am most definitely against that.
But to yet again commit the same mistake of letting the US get involved in an Arab country playing the role of the noble patriot that so gracefully helps the people get rid of their dictator, would be foolish.
I do not have to go very far down in history to know that, US intervention is never a good thing.
Example: Iraq.
As always, the US had to justify its actions to the public.
The official story was that the  US armies would barge in to get rid of -what they called- nuclear weapons that were apparently present in Iraq and also get rid of Saddam Hussein; because of his so called relations with Al Qaeda -Even though it seemed highly unlikely due to the totally different Ideological and Intellectual systems of both Al Qaeda and the Secular Iraqi Regime, back then-.
And as Ironic as it sounds, the US also believed that It could help spread democracy by sounding the drums of war on Iraq.

So what did the US really do?

• Well, It did get rid of Saddam -this is a fact-.

• They took over Baghdad, destroyed and robbed important historical artifacts and museums.

• *no surprise there* It found no nuclear weapons whatsoever, during its stay form the 20th of March 2003 till the  18th of September 2011, 
• It totally destroyed the Iraqi infrastructure, and the country still suffers till this very day.

• It also caused 114,392 – 125,353 of documented Civilian deaths. 

Its clear that the intervention was not intended to help the people of Iraq as the US had promoted to its own people and to the world.
Sure, they got rid of Saddam, who was a notorious criminal and killer but they also destroyed and invaded the country for 10 years.
In Short, the US went into war for its own personal Interest -AKA- Oil.
In 2000, Saddam issued a  decision that the euro would be the only currency that could be used to purchase Iraqi oil.
The US so wickedly manufactured a cover up story that would get it into Iraq; to dominate the oil market and support the US dollar.

So forgive me, if i am somewhat skyptical *scratch that* I am not skeptical, I am sure.
The US doesn't fool me when it says it wants to bomb Syria to protect the Syrian people.
If you're so torn up over Syria, why do you continuously use the Veto whenever the Israelis commit war crimes against the Palestinians?
This time, when The US goes in, it would be to protect Israel.
The US fears the downfall of the Assad regime because that means Israel would be left unprotected.

Besides, The Assad Regime has been viciously killing Syrians for over two years now, why has the US suddenly realized it needs to step in? 
When did the US administration suddenly grow a conscience ? 

This is where I am not really sure :
will the US really sacrifice the Assad regime in order to protect Israel, and invade Syria till their is nothing left to fear -like it did in Iraq-? 
Or
will it actually target the Syrian free army and mark them as terrorist to -of course- also keep Israel safe?

The US always uses the slogan "Fighting terrorism" to justify its intervention and its meddling in other peoples countries. And apparently here in Egypt, the Egyptian coup leaders have resorted to such slogan to try and justify their actions as well.

When will the time come, when we as Arabs are strong enough to stand together and protect our own?
When will the time come, when we as Arabs get to decide for ourselves and not let the US act as the all mighty guardian of the poor unfortunate people of the world ? 

Hopefully soon.
But not until we stop fighting amongst ourselves ..
Not until, we stand together to stop the coup in our country and stop believing the accusations of terrorism the media casts on our brothers and sisters.
Not until we are free.
But most importantly, not until Allah says: "كن فيكون"
May Allah protect Syria and Egypt and all Arab Countries and may he take revenge on all those who
conspire against them. Amen.

Down

Yet another day on this planet and what have I offered to humanity? Nothing. 

Maybe tomorrow. 

Hopefully tomorrow. 

Leave

You can:

Leave a place where closest friends betray you. 

Leave a place where people cheer those who march to kill you. 

Leave a place where people breathe in lies. 

A place where humanity barely survives. 

You can Leave. 

Or Better yet,

You can:

Stay and smile at those who betrayed you .. 

but never again call them friends.

Stay to fix what they have broken and make the wrong they did right.

Stay to cleanse the air we breathe from all the lies and all the hate. 

Stay so humanity has a chance to survive.

These are mad times we're living and as much as i'd like to leave; I choose to stay and fight another day. 

I Do Not Know You.

I  admit that I had high expectations for college and college life and how I was going to love the subjects I was going to take, and the doctors they would be something else, Yeah pretty much I thought it would be great. 
Reality is, college is just a bunch of people who get together, walk around campus wondering if they should attend this lecture, or that one or if they should just skip altogether. 
The most interesting part though, is the people part. I've met some remarkable people this year, and if you've been paying attention my expectations didn't really mention anything to do with people whom I was going to meet at college, you see I didn't really give them much thought -maybe because subconsciously I thought  I wouldn't fit in . Ironically though, people can be the best thing about college life -either because they teach you stuff or they're just naturally awesome.
People .. I like you and all but I do not know you well enough, sure we hang out, we laugh and we have good times, but again I do not know who you are -at least not fully. 

So I'll never judge you. Because I've had my fair share of "Boy, I did not know that" moments about a lot of people .. about what they have to go through every day .. about their lives and how the pain they may feel inside is just behind that curved line forming up on their faces.
I thought I had problems, but come to think of it;,actually I don't. I look at others and I see my fortune and that reminds me to be thankful always. Cause Even though my world may seem like it's collapsing, it's not. I'm fine and so are you; so just say "Alhamdulilah" and try to make people smile, try to make them happy; they need it. 
A simple "Thank you" .. a simple "You look beautiful today" or even a Hug makes a difference.
For as long as I can remember it's always been like this: when my parents would take us on a trip of some sort and then give us the usual "You should be thankful" and we would give them the usual "Thank You" in a nonchalant tone. I've always regarded this exchange as quite insignificant , i mean the whole thanking part. But now I see .. now I understand; Prophet Muhammad -Peace Be Upon Him- said that he who does not thank the people does not thank God. 

I guess what I am trying to say is, don't judge and just Be Thankful for every thing that you have that others do not and everything that you are that makes you different, but most importantly how you are alive; so leave a footprint before you leave.   
                                                                  
                                                                 Thank You

The Circle

They say hold on tight to who you are .. Be yourself and don't ever lose it.
I say lose yourself but hold on to what you believe in.
We are infinite and ever changing, we make mistakes and we learn.
We grow and spread our wings, we take a step and we fall.
We step out of our comfort zone and whisper to ourselves "You Can Do It Tiger" take a few steps and either run back to the comforts of the known or continue to venture up ahead.
We get lost holding the map upside down and a stranger walks up saying "Sir\Madam I think you have it wrong"
We take shortcuts and end up going in circles for days wandering why that tree looks awfully familiar "Have i seen this before?" We shrug it off and circle again.
We Claim to be humble but act like we know everything. this is until we meet a challenge bigger than us, that it renders us humble once more at the limitations of our fragile bodies and mortal minds.
We Love our Families deeply, yet we sometimes hurt those closest to us.
We are Foolish But we are also human
We forget and we remember.
This is life and we the humans are passengers holding on -we tell ourselves- "for just a while longer"
This world will end and we hope we end up in Paradise.
We pray we end up in Paradise Because we know we are not perfect, But our God is and he is merciful and he will forgive.
We repent and we pray and we make mistakes and repent and then we sin and repent and we fall and end up in that circle again.
We are Humans and this is life But He is God and he forgives as he watches over us up from the heavens while we venture into this life working our way towards him, hoping someday we'll finally fall onto the right tracks.

What If.

There are days when i wonder "What If .." and this day .. This day is one of them.
Sarah, What If's will do you no good, and neither will worrying about what might have happened.
The past is gone and you should learn to let it go and wish that tomorrow you'll regain your balance on that fine line that separates everything in life.
You Must learn, that no matter how much a big of a deal it seems right now, tomorrow it will be nothing.
Tomorrow you will be Switzerland again.
Tomorrow, "This day" will seem insignificant and you will learn that all your worrying was for nothing.
Let it go. 

I loved the way you called it home.

-I loved the way you called me dad, after all the times i wasn't there.

-I loved that you came back for me, when i lost the hope of ever coming back. 

-I loved the way you pursed your lips when at first you did not understand, that after all these years i was -    standing right in front of you in Flesh and as real as the presence of God in our hearts and mind.

-I loved the way you refused to let go, when all around you were people who let it all go years ago.

-I loved the way you came through the gates into a world -where everything familiar and safe was left   behind-and still you put your brave face on and did what you had to do.

-I love the way you held on to what you believed in.

-I loved the way you called it home.

-I love you my son, i have always loved you but now you know.

Finish line.

I Believe that maybe i can accomplish great things and on the way to those things i'll pick up some people who share my dream and walk into the horizon together with music playing in the background.

OK, I realize i was being kind of poetic, but i really do have a dream and i am working on it.
So turn the music up cause now i take the first step and tomorrow i take another but someday i'll cross the finish line. :)

The Question is, Do You Mean it!

This may sound silly, but i am kind of pfff .. let's say wary of the dark.
OK, I am afraid of the dark.
But it's not because of the monsters lurking around the corners waiting to ambush me, or the invisible freaky creatures that hide under my bed; it's not that at all.
Its because i can't see my self in the dark and i don't know who i am in the shadows. And when i can't see, i tend to get worried and afraid. -And maybe also because of the monsters-.
But aside from my fear of the dark there is one other thing that i fear most.
In fact every thing else seems silly compared.
I fear to live in a world where people say what they don't mean .. a world where people inhale lies in the air they breath .. where ideals are framed and hung on walls to be viewed as memories and things of the past .. a world where people say one thing when they actually mean another.
They say they're free to think or believe what they please, But doesn't that entitle me to the same right?
People stare when i sometimes casually state an opinion that is somewhat uncommon. if you could see the expressions on their faces, they're bewildered.
Recently i find people's So Called "Personal Opinions" repetitive in a very annoying way. It's like they're all reciting some kind of widely spread script of a very dull play that every one seems to know by heart.
You say you value difference and accept it .. Well, then accept this: i am DIFFERENT.
My Wish right now is that i can someday hear someone say "I beg to differ but i respect your opinion" -Hold On- I want that him to Mean these words.
Cause if words hold no real meaning then all they are is random frequencies and waves that propagate through space.

Just Follow The Plan

I had a plan.
I wrote it down.
I can assure you though ...
this was not it.
I am only human, and humans, they forget, they misread a road map, act like know it all's and end up lost for days. Humans go to the kitchen, open the fridge, stare and leave.
I guess what i'm trying to say here is that humans do stupid things all the time; like for instance make a plan and then they.don't.stick.to.it.
However there is a tiny fact that i need to remember,"Sometimes it's not up to me".
Sure, Plans are necessary. And Sure, you have to make choices and try your best.
But the results and consequences leading back to those decisions are not up to us.
It was never our plans that were meant to go through, But, rather God's plans for us that do go through to the execution phase.

So just relax and breath young Worrior With an O -and No, it's not a spelling mistake, and NO,i did not just make that up...OK, maybe i did but that was a long time ago- stop worrying and just follow the plan.

Oh, and Sarah .. You're OK.

Bring YOU Down Syndrome.

I'm perfectly fine all the time .. that is until i'm not. And usually i don't know what it is that sets me off like that, but this time i do.
It's you.
I'm not even sure if you notice what you do. But i think you suffer from a syndrome that goes by the name "Bring You Down" which basically means you subconsciously make everyone around you feel insignificant. and.inferior.and.eventually.bring.them.down.
At least that's how i feel.
So yeah, i'll just keep my distance if you don't mind; cause -for some reason-  I don't want to feel that way anymore.
In the mean while, all i can do is what my best friend once told me. "Tell yourself that you are OK".
And that's exactly what i'll do.
"Sarah Desouky, You're Ok"
I AM OK.

The Story

I am there, or should i say i am here. This had been so much a part of my lifelong dream, that the moment i set foot on these lands my mind has completely stopped taking everything in.
Pause .. It is cold and i am still back home.
My footsteps echo on the rock floors of this vast and magical square. "I am here" I tell my self one more time -hoping that maybe my mind will start processing again. And i see it .. Standing tall as it had been for the past century or so. As the smoke clears, i hear distant cries grow stronger.
Pause .. "Thank you for the tea".
Ah, where was I .. Yes, the cries are definitely growing stronger. And If you listen hard enough, you can taste the anticipation and excitement in every roar.
Every speck of dust tells the story of nation divided for so long, that its people forgot they were once united.
They tell the story of that very nation come together and fight the battle as one. They tell the story of a battle so fierce fought by one man against a million army men. They tell the story of that man's victory. Every ray of sun displays the secret behind that victory and they chant "A man united against a million divided ".
Pause .. *A sip of tea
The flags are raised. They soar high above the very foundations of this universe.
A nation rejoices while cowards and tyrants,who have tortured humanity lay flat on their backs.
The stairs rise high above us; I can not see where they end. The nation climbs one step after another. Signs are pretty good. 100 meters to glory .. 50 to your rightful place a top of the world .. 20 to justice and 10 to peace .. 0 You're there.
Pause.. we are still a  hundred million meters away from glory .. fifty away from our rightful place a top of the world .. twenty away from justice and ten away from peace. We are still here at the beginning. 
But we dream.
And as i sit here at my computer, I picture a time when this image -in my head- meets reality, in a life altering moment, that rocks the very foundations of the world as we know it.
But until then .. We dream .. we work and we never stop remembering what once was and now isn't anymore. 
Until then .. Lets all be safe and never stop believing.

I am question mark ...

"I am ready" I say with a shaking voice.
Try that again.
"I am ready" i say but my voice still breaks at the ends.
...
"I am ready?" The phrase turns into a question mark.
.....
"How can i be ready?"
What do you think?
"I asked the question"
At least now you're asking the right ones.
.......
.......

Viva La Road

Alone is how you find yourself at the beginning and at then again at the end.But all that is in between is a choice. Your Choice, So choose your companions wisely; they shape you. They either lift you up when hurdles come or sink you down when all you need is to be an inch taller than your troubles.
They say "Blessed is the person who has good company". And that is why i thank Allah for sending them to me in a time of great need; for they have made me a better person than i was yesterday and a better person tomorrow than i am today.
Viva RTL

I saw you once more

All i know is that i was lost and could not get out ..
You were there standing .. Just standing there like you were waiting for something or someone. But HOW? you are dead .. or so i thought. Cause to me, you looked so real standing there. People were passing you by, like it was the most normal thing in the world that you would come back from the dead but then i noticed, i was the only one who could see you.As i approached you And you smiled, i was sure i was crazy.
 I extended my arm to greet you and expected my hand to pass right through you, but you said my name .. I heard you..And then i hugged you .. I felt that and it felt warm and safe and calming. You were not a ghost. You were as real as me or as any of these people who were walking around us then. "How are you here?" .. No reply. I had a million and two questions to ask you but we walked in silence as i searched for a way out of there. You shadowed me as i began to lose hope when no one agreed to help. You sensed my desperation and smiling you said "Come with me, i'll show you something".. I followed you and you pointed to a gate and said "This is your way out, I'll walk you there but then you'll have to continue on foot alone the rest of the way" i nodded and i thanked you as i sobbed on your shoulders. "Is there anything else you need ? Any other way i can help?" i looked for my voice to answer you but nothing came out and we walked towards the gate. I passed the gate and it was over and you were dead once again.

The Window

As I look across the window of my past at all the memories I've built over the years; I see the simplicity screaming out of every picture on those yellow walls of time. I see how easy everything seemed back then. I see people i thought would be there with me till the end. I see happiness in all the simple things and grief for things that now seem insignificant. I see the flaws and i see the merits. I see myself grow an inch taller through the years. I see shadows in every alley way left undiscovered. I see the page turn on every book left unread. I see decisions made too soon and others, well, too late. I see myself shedding away parts of me as i made my way here. I see my reflection in that window, only to see a younger version.
In ways, i can no longer recognize my self anymore .. I've changed.
Change is not necessarily a bad thing, some of these changes were actually for the better. It's more of a shade of grey that i'm working hard to perfect.

As I turn my back on that window and head out through the door, i see a million pathways lined with adventure and paved with an equal share of fear and excitement. I see billboards and signs telling me where they think I should go. I see distractions everywhere .. LIGHTS .. NOISES .. and PEOPLE; lots of them. 

My vision is blurred and i feel the urge to dive back through that window into the comforts of the known past; but i need to go on. I was destined to go on. 

A decision has to be made. Life is just one decision after another; but in the end it all comes down to one. Are you willing to abide by the laws of  your Creator? Yes, yes that much i know. 

I see it know. If you look really hard .. past all the billboards and the signs .. past all the lights and all the temptations lining these bricked paths .. Past all those people telling you what to do or what to wear or how to act or how to live your life ..if you look hard you can see them. 

Two roads. And I have reached my decision.

I just have to get past all of this to get to YOU. On the way i'll sometimes forget where i'm going. But believe me, with all these distractions who wouldn't? But when i forget i'll make sure it doesn't last for long. I'll remind myself of the conscience decision i made back by the window. The decision to go on .. to venture into the unknown with faith that YOU will guide me on my way.

So here i am reminding myself yet again. Reminding my self that i'm a person on a mission to find the road that ultimately leads to Allah.